Let it be.

It’s the hardest thing to do. Letting others be. Be themselves or versions thereof, we are all trying. Trying for something. To live as we best can, we give our best at every given moment. For others, especially family and friends, this is sometimes hard to watch.

We always know better, from the outside. It is easy to know what is right, not being involved. Without emotions, situations present themselves in a clearer light. But being in it, often stuck in denial, it is hard to see the whole picture. And then to act the right way, is even more difficult.

We grew up with someone, often continuously, telling us how to behave and what to do. Our society seems to need to groom it’s youngens a lot. “Chin up”, “Speak clearly”, “Don’t be so loud”, do this and do that. Soon we could intuit, what was expected of us. It was a lot of work to make them and us fit in. The voices become one voice over time, and once we fit, that voice stays with us for the rest of our life.

Some of us don’t want to be or live someone else’s life. We struggle to be us. When we finally become us, the voice quiets down to an occasional whisper. As if we first had to slay all the dragons, which raised us, before we can emerge. Or we had to chew through our nesting cocoon to be born as us, as some insects do.

Once we come out as who we are and who we want to be, and announce proudly our opinions and wants, there will be someone, who will want to change us, again. Be it a lover, friend, spouse, our children or colleagues. Hardly ever, we hear “Good for you”, “I understand” or “I support your decision whole heartedly”. Mostly there is a “If I were you”, “I think, you should” or “Don’t you think it’s best to…”. We are adults, but yet treated, as if we weren’t.

Letting someone be, seems the hardest thing to do. Recently, on a family visit, my mother complained, that I always criticize her. I finally heard her. She was right. I always thought, she should do this and that. On the other hand, I wanted her to accept me and my choices. And right there it hit me: why should she accept me, if I didn’t accept her? Or better: If I let her be, she might let me be too. And that’s, when it happened, we let each other be.

There was nothing to argue about anymore. Naturally does she have every right to live her life exactly how she wants too. And so do I. We treated each other finally as adults, respectfully as people. This created togetherness, we hadn’t had for a long time, since I hit puberty. My mother is getting older and spending quality time with her is very important to me. More than being right or knowing better. Turns out that being together is far more relaxing and fun, than wanting to change the other.

Speaking words of wisdom, “let them be” is the answer.

 

“And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be”

The Beatles – partial lyrics of “Let it be” 1969