Let it be.

The hardest thing to do is letting others be, to be themselves or versions thereof. We are all trying. Trying for something. To live as we best can, we give our best at any given moment. For others, especially family and friends, this is sometimes hard to watch.

We always know better from the outside. It is easy to know what is right, not being at the center of it. Without emotions, situations present themselves in a clearer light. But being in it and often stuck in denial, it is hard to see the whole picture. And then to act the right way is even more difficult.

We grew up with everyone, often continuously, telling us how to behave and what to do. Our society seems to need to groom it’s youngens a lot. “Chin up”, “Speak clearly”, “Don’t be so loud”, do this and do that. Soon we could intuit what was expected of us. It was a lot of work to make us fit in. The voices become one voice over time and that voice stays with us for the rest of our lives.

Most of us don’t want to be or live someone else’s life. We struggle to be us. When we finally become who we want to be, the voice quiets down to an occasional whisper. As if we first had to slay all the dragons who raised us, before we could emerge. As if we had to chew through our nesting cocoon to be born as ‘us’, as some insects do.

Once we come out as who we are and as who we want to be and announce proudly our opinions and wants, there will be someone who will want to change us, again. Be it a lover, friend, spouse, child or colleague. Hardly ever we hear “Good for you”, “I understand” or “I support your decision whole heartedly”. Most always there is a “If I were you”, “I think, you should” or “Don’t you think it’s best to…”. Now we are adults but still treated as if we weren’t.

Letting someone be seems the hardest thing to do. Recently on a family visit, my mother complained that I always criticize her. I finally heard her. She was right. I always thought that she should do this and that. On the other hand, I wanted her to accept me and my choices. And right then it hit me. Why should she accept me if I didn’t accept her? And that if I let her be, she might let me be also. That is when it happened, we finally let each other be. There was nothing to argue about anymore. Naturally does she have every right to live her life exactly how she wants to. And so do I. After all those years, we treated each other as adults and respectfully as people. This created a togetherness we hadn’t had since I hit puberty.

My mother is getting older and spending quality time with her is very important to me. More than being right or knowing better. Turns out, being together is far more relaxing and fun than being right or wanting to change the other.

Speaking words of wisdom, “let them be” is the answer!

?And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be?

– partial lyrics of “Let it be” by The Beatles 1969

photo: Katja in 1967