Fear.
Fear, the plaque of humanity, ruled us for centuries. The powers at hand controlled their subjects with fear, the individual spirit was crushed as collateral damage until democracy promised an end to this, an end to the fear to be obliterated like this tiny crab.
Ruled by it and with it, the majority of us live in constant fear of life itself. We fear illness, bosses, accidents and what might come next. Some of us are born shy and fearful, others develop into a fearful person. Our society has a lot to do with this. A natural cautiousness is often turned into full-blown fear by the messages we receive in childhood. Fear is also often gender specific, what counts as ‘trying themselves out’ for boys is deemed ‘dangerous’ for girls. Messages put a lid on our true potential before we even have tried to explore who we are.
I still hear the messages in my head not to be too daring, not too stick too far out from the crowd. I grew up in Germany, where the fear to be different and what others might be saying, somehow seems to make everyone equal. Few are allowed to stick out and are either punished or celebrated. It’s like an omnipresent, overcritical voice hovering over everyone, extinguishing individualistic development as soon as it shows itself. Or at least, that’s how it was when I grew up there in the 70’s and 80’s.
When I came to live in the US in my mid-twenties, I couldn’t believe how frequently Americans complemented each other. I thought, that they were superficial and didn’t know true value. I was not used to a society that celebrates effort. Americans will firstly listen to plans of the most outrageous endeavor, then validate the idea and effort and conclude, that they will be there for you, if needed. Americans want to be around and part of the exceptional, and they believe that everyone should get a shot at it.
I was intimidated by this at first, as my culture had instilled in me doubt, that I couldn’t achieve anything. It was stifling and therefore why try? Now, that I was freed from that old world chastity, the world was open to me. I had found my country. I experienced, that a generous nod and a little bit of support were far more valuable for my personal development than constant reminders, that I might not get where I wanted to or might not achieve, what I wanted to achieve.
Everything I have taken up since then: working as photographer (‘Difficult to find jobs’) and landscape designer (‘Very physical’) to moving to Romania (‘Why there?’) and now traveling by sailboat (‘But that is so dangerous!’), was thoroughly discussed by my German friends and family and in true form, they pointed to all the reasons of why not to do it. My American friends helped me embrace the challenges ahead and said: ‘You’ve always found your way’, ‘Good for you’ and ‘You are so courageous!’ Armed with their positive approval and wishes, it was decidedly easier to start this newest of my endeavors.
Language might have something to do with it. German thrives on negatives and often a double negative make a positive. ‘Ja, aber’ opens most sentences, meaning ‘Yes, but’. Might be too scary to say simply ‘Yes’. If feelings and urges are constantly mediated, there isn’t any room left for positivity, the breath of adventure.
And adventure it is, what Radu and I seek. We do experience fear on the boat. It is a concrete fear about concrete challenges, like when the bilge pump stutters or a rogue wave pushes us around too much. Concrete fears, like concrete stresses, are very different from the ones created by thoughts, norms and upbringing.
A concrete fear is physical, in the moment, and lasts until the moment is over; the other fears are mental and debilitate any thought, any effort, any action, and are way harder to stop. We are loosing the battle against our own brain. Only rigorous mental training like therapy, meditation or methods for self empowerment can help here.
Fear ruled the 2016 US presidential election. Many Americans had lost their livelihoods and life savings in the 2008 financial crises and felt still vulnerable, when Trump played the fear card, although America had recovered and was ‘great again’ already. The Trump campaign played to the lowest common denominator: fear of survival. Instead of answers, it suggested mistrust, division and encapsulation. Trump painted a doomsday picture reminiscent of the horrid recession in Germany before its early 30’s election, as he scape-goated the weak, the sick, immigrants, European leaders or plainly ‘the other’. In his inaugural speech, the doom rhetoric continued. In his first week in office, Trump signed a slew of executive orders against abortion, for environmentally dangerous projects, took all global warming info off governmental websites, issued warnings to journalist and instated a Muslim ban, as if speed was the issue not governing with due process. He stunned the country with a demagogic display of power, rivaled only by dictators, and it brought on an avalanche of resistance by states, governors, scientists and even federal agencies. Americans are protesting in never seen numbers for this country.
Once we are engulfed by fear, it seems impossible to regain power over our life. Fear is so destructive, that it corrodes all positive and creative thoughts. To be creative, we need to feel free. I hope, the land of the brave will be brave and fight to be free and stray free.